The Cycle of my Life

I would like to have more time for just settling back and enjoying life a little more. But it is impossible. There are way too many things that I still have to do. I often even do not come off to write a text for my blog. And writing is one of my greatest passions – along with photography. But on the checklist of my life unfortunately there is only a little space for creativity and for my own unfolding. Because I have to work in order to fund my future and I have to study for building a future. I do both at the same time. A seven-day week is not enough to live up to all standards. And so the time whooshes past me and I reach only just a little. I do not meet the requirements, those of my environment, from society and, ultimately, those from myself. I usually manage to outwit my own and not to remind myself of the enormous disparity between dream and reality, but sometimes, in quieter hours, I wonder why I’m doing all of these things. Somehow I know the answer already. I do it for me, the perfectionist in me who wants to make the best out of life. And often I forget to live at all.

Circle of life2
Tree in Mumbai

Society is convinced that young people – aged between twenty and thirty – pave the way for their own futures. They pave the way for the personal and professional happiness. But who knows if I still love the job in thirty years, which I am doing now? And why should I have to decide at my age where I will settle down or how many children I want? The pressure from outside is huge, perhaps even worse than I pressure myself. And so my checklist fills up with more and more points: Master’s degree, maybe Ph.D., own apartment, house moving, solid employment, marriage, children (preferably two), saving money, cooking classes, road trip…

I was able to check off a few points. I am not different than thousands other young people who are lost in daily chaos and even suffer from a burnout. In Germany, this is traded as a social disease. Well, no wonder that I often do not even get to breathe. Or the little man inside my head has again simply no rest at night and robs me of my sleep. And then I get up in the morning, swing myself on a bike and ride to work – for giving my best. Day in, day out. That is the cycle of my life.

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